Deep inhale. Slowly exhale. Feel the calm. Finally.
After 5 days of intense, long work days I was finally able to finish our special publication for the annual basketball tournament that we host about every 8 years. The students had worked on the design and, once we had the team photos and information from the other 7 schools, had been busy cropping and typing and working on the layouts. Unfortunately, with the many interruptions in recent weeks (not to mention schools that just couldn't seem to get all the correct information to us) they just couldn't meet the printer's deadline - which was Monday (01/14/2008).
Yesterday, I just finished in time to drive the CD to the printer. It was done. (Well, almost. After I dropped it off I realized I hadn't changed some specs on the cover artwork. I'll take 2 minutes and do that first thing this morning, burn a CD and run it to the printer during my prep period.) Now, I can start teaching again and get back to a more normal routine with that huge project off my shoulders. I have to say it was worth the trouble, though. I think this will be the best tournament program ever. Our design rocks!
So, how did I celebrate and reward myself? I took my older dog, Buddy, to PetsMart for his grooming appointment! Then I sat in my car, heater running, trying to decide where to eat dinner and what to do while I waited. I wanted someplace warm as the heater wasn't really working in my classroom and I was still chilled. I finally decided to go to Borders first to pick up a book or magazine to read while dining alone.
After looking around a while and realizing Borders was cold (my nose is the first thing to complain), I decided on a book: Journal Revolution by Linda Woods and karen Dinino. (Rise Up and Create is their motto.) In thumbing through, it looks chock full of various techniques that I can apply to collage, postcards, quilts and whatever art form I am doing in addition to making a fabulous journal (something I've wanted to work on). I used my $5 rewards money (okay, you probably know that I had to SPEND enough money at Borders to get the rewards back!), so didn't feel too bad about indulging myself.
Then I went to Marie Calendars, got a nice booth and had a bowl of split pea soup with their famous corn bread and honey butter. I read the book and ate my soup. Ahh. My cell phone was home charging, so no temptation to call my daughter and check in. I decided to nix the grocery shopping - we could survive another day and that eliminated another activity from my evening.
I finally went back to PetsMart, picked up a few pet supplies (including Christmas clearance toys for my dogs) and got Buddy. I felt so good! I had had about 2 hours of "me" time after the unrelenting stress of recent days and I was happy. The rest of the week will still be busy, but this huge "breath" was what I needed. So glad God gives us the ability to heal our tired souls, if we just take the time..
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Staving Off the Darkness
It does happen. Sometimes lightning does strike twice... even three times.
Three weeks ago one of my student's older sister was killed when her car slid on an icy road and crashed. I didn't know the sister, but since I care for my student the loss had an impact on me.
Last week we lost a friend in our Shepherding Group (like a Sunday School class, but more of a family or community). He was just 43. Despite many years of sobriety, the years of substance abuse in his past just took its toll on his body. The loss was sudden and his smile and humor will be sorely missed.
This morning, another accident on an icy road. This time a younger sister of another student. My student was in the vehicle, but had minor injuries. His 14 year old sister has severe brain injury and we're not sure if she'll make it. (We pray for a miracle.)
Sometimes pain or sadness comes in waves. Though these weren't family members nor very close friends, I do get emotional. My first husband died when we were both 23, so I feel the impact of the permanence of death. I remember how grieving wasn't what I expected - full of ups and downs. I remember how it feels to see or hear something and think how you can't wait to tell... then remember they won't be there to hear.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not wallowing in gloom and despair! I am realistic about the struggles with pain and loss on this earth, but I have a Friend who walks with me and holds me at all times. I rejoice for my friend from church because he is no longer in pain. He "runs with the angels on streets made of gold.." (Mark Harris, "I Wish You Were Here") The song will be the basis of an art quilt I will make in his memory - a postcard from heaven.
This evening I used a technique from my Celebrate Your Creative Self workshop group online and created a response I call "Staving Off the Darkeness." (See my Heart Felt Art blog)My heart may feel down or "flattened" by events, but between my poor heart and the multiple "lightning strikes" Christ shields me. He has laid down His life for me and continues to love and protect me during life's storms.
Three weeks ago one of my student's older sister was killed when her car slid on an icy road and crashed. I didn't know the sister, but since I care for my student the loss had an impact on me.
Last week we lost a friend in our Shepherding Group (like a Sunday School class, but more of a family or community). He was just 43. Despite many years of sobriety, the years of substance abuse in his past just took its toll on his body. The loss was sudden and his smile and humor will be sorely missed.
This morning, another accident on an icy road. This time a younger sister of another student. My student was in the vehicle, but had minor injuries. His 14 year old sister has severe brain injury and we're not sure if she'll make it. (We pray for a miracle.)
Sometimes pain or sadness comes in waves. Though these weren't family members nor very close friends, I do get emotional. My first husband died when we were both 23, so I feel the impact of the permanence of death. I remember how grieving wasn't what I expected - full of ups and downs. I remember how it feels to see or hear something and think how you can't wait to tell... then remember they won't be there to hear.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not wallowing in gloom and despair! I am realistic about the struggles with pain and loss on this earth, but I have a Friend who walks with me and holds me at all times. I rejoice for my friend from church because he is no longer in pain. He "runs with the angels on streets made of gold.." (Mark Harris, "I Wish You Were Here") The song will be the basis of an art quilt I will make in his memory - a postcard from heaven.
This evening I used a technique from my Celebrate Your Creative Self workshop group online and created a response I call "Staving Off the Darkeness." (See my Heart Felt Art blog)My heart may feel down or "flattened" by events, but between my poor heart and the multiple "lightning strikes" Christ shields me. He has laid down His life for me and continues to love and protect me during life's storms.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Happy New Year!
Wow. I'm amazed. I actually stayed awake past midnight and rang in 2008 watching the Times Square ball drop (on TV, of course) and making noise with my daughter and her friends (a small sleepover party). I was also working on a jigsaw puzzle, a tradition going back to my youth. (I would always get at least one puzzle for Christmas and would spend New Year's Eve putting it together. It kept me up and gave me hours of uninterrupted time to work on it.) Now begins the most difficult weeks of the year - remembering to write '08!
We always watch the Rose Parade on New Year's morning. I even made the traditional donut run (we always get donuts for the Macy's parade and the Rose parade). I grew up in Southern California and went to the parade in person a couple times. The floats are beautiful on TV, but you can't imagine the true size, color and amazing use of flowers & other natural materials until you see them up close and personal. After the parade, the floats are parked and on display for several days. Our family often went to see them.
A few years ago my younger daughter and I worked on the float for my alma mater, Cal Poly. My crafting and sewing skills came in handy as I had to dress a skeleton in a leather vest (covered with spices) after the skeleton had already been bolted into place. I had to actually sew the vest together by hand on the skeleton (which my daughter was carefully covering with crushed white rice). Later, we helped iron ti leaves and glued them on the sides of the ship.
My New Year's Resolutions? I don't make resolutions any more. I understand and embrace the concept of a fresh new start - out with the old and in with the new, but I need more new starts than once per year. Before, I would make great promises to myself to eat better, exercise more, lose weight and be more consistent with my devotional and Bible study time. But by the middle of January something would have thrown at least one of those resolutions off track. I'd feel like a failure and give up hope of changing.
However, Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. New every morning. Now, if I "mess up" on my goals or make mistakes or commit any number of sins, I can begin again immediately. He is always there waiting faithfully when I have been unfaithful.
I look forward to an amazing year of furthering my artistic skills, getting in better shape and improving my "people" skills. These fall under the greater "umbrella" of becoming the woman God wants me to be. I want to journal and write more. I hope to take an art class of some kind. I will travel to Hawaii and maybe Australia/New Zealand with my mom. My younger daughter will graduate from high school and begin college. She is applying to go on a mission trip to Burkina Faso (in West Africa). She wants to teach in West Africa after college, so this would be right up her alley. My older daughter begins the year in a better place than last year, having her own apartment and a job. I pray she will move ahead in her life more this year, too.
God bless each of you. May you reach your goals and live your dreams as you remember His love for you is new every morning!
We always watch the Rose Parade on New Year's morning. I even made the traditional donut run (we always get donuts for the Macy's parade and the Rose parade). I grew up in Southern California and went to the parade in person a couple times. The floats are beautiful on TV, but you can't imagine the true size, color and amazing use of flowers & other natural materials until you see them up close and personal. After the parade, the floats are parked and on display for several days. Our family often went to see them.
A few years ago my younger daughter and I worked on the float for my alma mater, Cal Poly. My crafting and sewing skills came in handy as I had to dress a skeleton in a leather vest (covered with spices) after the skeleton had already been bolted into place. I had to actually sew the vest together by hand on the skeleton (which my daughter was carefully covering with crushed white rice). Later, we helped iron ti leaves and glued them on the sides of the ship.
My New Year's Resolutions? I don't make resolutions any more. I understand and embrace the concept of a fresh new start - out with the old and in with the new, but I need more new starts than once per year. Before, I would make great promises to myself to eat better, exercise more, lose weight and be more consistent with my devotional and Bible study time. But by the middle of January something would have thrown at least one of those resolutions off track. I'd feel like a failure and give up hope of changing.
However, Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. New every morning. Now, if I "mess up" on my goals or make mistakes or commit any number of sins, I can begin again immediately. He is always there waiting faithfully when I have been unfaithful.
I look forward to an amazing year of furthering my artistic skills, getting in better shape and improving my "people" skills. These fall under the greater "umbrella" of becoming the woman God wants me to be. I want to journal and write more. I hope to take an art class of some kind. I will travel to Hawaii and maybe Australia/New Zealand with my mom. My younger daughter will graduate from high school and begin college. She is applying to go on a mission trip to Burkina Faso (in West Africa). She wants to teach in West Africa after college, so this would be right up her alley. My older daughter begins the year in a better place than last year, having her own apartment and a job. I pray she will move ahead in her life more this year, too.
God bless each of you. May you reach your goals and live your dreams as you remember His love for you is new every morning!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
The Heart of Chirstmas
Luke 2:19 - But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
Luke 2:51b - But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.
To ponder: To think deeply about; to reflect on; to weigh in the mind
This teen mom pondered. In the core of her being, she ruminated on the events surrounding her son. An angel brought the news that she was to be the mother of the Messiah, but that also meant bearing with the stares and shame of being pregnant before marriage (a much more serious offense then than today). Her relative had a child in old age. She gave birth in a barn amid animals and hay, seemingly alone and forgotten by the world. Yet soon shepherds arrived to worship the baby, having been sent by angels. In the temple a few days later, some elder servants of God rejoiced over the baby and blessed them. Time went by and wise men came from the east bearing gifts. At age 12, her boy was impressing men in the temple with his teaching. Yes, Mary had much to ponder.
I had to wonder if I spend enough time pondering. Do I think deeply and reflect on the events and situations in life? Or do I make snap decisions and jump to conclusions? It takes time to ponder and I am often too rushed to do it properly. But when I take the time to weigh the day's events, consider my choices and reflect on Scripture my life is richer, more satisfying and more exciting. I can't always control my schedule, but I want to increase the amount of time I "ponder in [my] heart."
A merry Christmas filled with joy and peace to each of you!
Luke 2:51b - But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.
To ponder: To think deeply about; to reflect on; to weigh in the mind
This teen mom pondered. In the core of her being, she ruminated on the events surrounding her son. An angel brought the news that she was to be the mother of the Messiah, but that also meant bearing with the stares and shame of being pregnant before marriage (a much more serious offense then than today). Her relative had a child in old age. She gave birth in a barn amid animals and hay, seemingly alone and forgotten by the world. Yet soon shepherds arrived to worship the baby, having been sent by angels. In the temple a few days later, some elder servants of God rejoiced over the baby and blessed them. Time went by and wise men came from the east bearing gifts. At age 12, her boy was impressing men in the temple with his teaching. Yes, Mary had much to ponder.
I had to wonder if I spend enough time pondering. Do I think deeply and reflect on the events and situations in life? Or do I make snap decisions and jump to conclusions? It takes time to ponder and I am often too rushed to do it properly. But when I take the time to weigh the day's events, consider my choices and reflect on Scripture my life is richer, more satisfying and more exciting. I can't always control my schedule, but I want to increase the amount of time I "ponder in [my] heart."
A merry Christmas filled with joy and peace to each of you!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
What's in a heart?
When I began a study of "hearts" in the Bible last August I wasn't sure what I'd find. I soon learned that the Bible speaks of many kinds of hearts: our hearts, God's heart, good hearts, troubled hearts, hearts of evildoers... And while we know our heart is what pumps our blood and keeps us alive, we also understand that the word is used to denote character and motives, hopes and desires. The "heart" of the matter means what is central or essential.
Our non-physical hearts, that core of our mental, emotional and spiritual selves, also pumps life through us. How would we survive the day if we "lose heart?" Imagine how dreary the life uncentered, without hope or purpose. (Not too hard to imagine because I have been there - and still lapse into a heartless state on occasion.)
This morning's study brought me to Psalm 33:21, "In Him our HEARTS rejoice, for we trust in His holy name." This may sound odd to many people, but for those of us who do trust in God we find our hearts rejoicing more and more. My life has more and more purpose, joy and hope. My life has more heart!
Our non-physical hearts, that core of our mental, emotional and spiritual selves, also pumps life through us. How would we survive the day if we "lose heart?" Imagine how dreary the life uncentered, without hope or purpose. (Not too hard to imagine because I have been there - and still lapse into a heartless state on occasion.)
This morning's study brought me to Psalm 33:21, "In Him our HEARTS rejoice, for we trust in His holy name." This may sound odd to many people, but for those of us who do trust in God we find our hearts rejoicing more and more. My life has more and more purpose, joy and hope. My life has more heart!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Christmas
This morning's lesson went pretty well, despite my feeling under-prepared. We explored some of the common myths or misconceptions about Christmas. For example, contrary to the popular carol, there were probably more than three wise men that made that cross-countries trek to see the baby Jesus. And when they arrived, the family were in a house, no longer with the animals in the manger.
It really isn't a big deal, though. The point is that Jesus was born. The fact that the wise men came shows how they honored him. The number of wise men and the exact day they came isn't really the point.
And while we have no idea on what day or even in what season the Christ Child was born, this formal celebration in December is a great time to reflect on His coming, His love for the world and the purpose of His life.
Peace and Joy to you this season.
It really isn't a big deal, though. The point is that Jesus was born. The fact that the wise men came shows how they honored him. The number of wise men and the exact day they came isn't really the point.
And while we have no idea on what day or even in what season the Christ Child was born, this formal celebration in December is a great time to reflect on His coming, His love for the world and the purpose of His life.
Peace and Joy to you this season.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Opening Remarks
This probably isn't the best day to start this journal. I've been feeling tired and disconnected all day. I haven't made one of my "daily" hearts for 3 days. I am nearly a week late and still don't have my Christmas fiber postcards ready for the exchange. I don't have my family Christmas cards ready. I haven't managed to get all the dishes or laundry done. I'm just ready to crawl into bed - after a very unproductive day.
But I did string one length of garland on the porch. I spend time with my teenage daughter. And I did needed research online in preparation for teaching tomorrow morning. I did accomplish something.
How often is my self-worth dependent on what I do? I know in my head that my value as a person doesn't change based on how much was checked off my To-Do list, but I often feel that way. I'm learning to say, "I wish I had done..." instead of "I'm no good."
So, as I head to bed, I can sleep in peace knowing that even though my list didn't have the number of checks I would have liked my worth as a person remains immeasurable.
But I did string one length of garland on the porch. I spend time with my teenage daughter. And I did needed research online in preparation for teaching tomorrow morning. I did accomplish something.
How often is my self-worth dependent on what I do? I know in my head that my value as a person doesn't change based on how much was checked off my To-Do list, but I often feel that way. I'm learning to say, "I wish I had done..." instead of "I'm no good."
So, as I head to bed, I can sleep in peace knowing that even though my list didn't have the number of checks I would have liked my worth as a person remains immeasurable.
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